I'm still sitting, resting, waiting in my heart. My body is moving once again but it seems there is more to learn deep down in my soul that is making my fingers quiet. Uncomfortably quiet. But Hope has come to visit in this place and she is all encompassing and self-sustaining. She is not just the end of a sentence….she is the beginning, middle and the end. I don't have hope because my doctor said my foot will be healed or because my children behaved perfectly or because my marriage felt ooey gooey today (and FYI none of this happened ). Hope is its own separate entity and does not need a qualifier. I felt her today for absolutely no reason. That hope made me overwhelmed to pray for a friend in need, reach out to a new friend, talk to God and call a couple of old friends. Hope made me speak and listen and savor the little life I had in me this morning. Hope is Jesus and when we let him reign in our hearts, He overflows everywhere….into everything. Hope makes us want to give. There is so much Jesus in the hope which floods our hearts, that it just wants to leak out into the hurting world while screaming, “This is who I really am!”
And yes, I'm afraid hope will leave--that I will get so caught up again in the things that hurt and make me feel yucky and sad and shameful that I will go back to needing a reason for hope. This hope makes no sense to my brain which needs everything to be linear and logical. There is nothing logical about hope when you're in physical or emotional pain yet your spirit is full and overflowing with peace, fullness and life. But that is Hope and I know she’s solid as a rock and not going anywhere. May we find her in the unexpected--for that is where she shines!