Of all the people God had to pick to walk with others through pain and suffering, he picked the girl who lost ten years of her life hiding from pain. As I am crying out today “Why God is there so much pain?” I hate suffering. I hate death. I hate feeling like at any moment I am going to lose another one I love. I hate it. I'm hurting. And I think to myself how ironic it is that he keeps pulling me back to those who are living in the shadows of life. I am drawn to those who hurt. I am pulled to my knees for the left out and broken. I am burdened for those who are walking through the depths of despair while I myself lived death and abandonment by the wrong book. I did it all wrong. I ran away from God and my friends and my husband. Oh, boy, did I run.
So why has God chosen me to feel the weight of the world as it wobbles with hurts? Well, it is clearly not because my pain resume is as weighty as some, nor is it because I earned an ‘A’ in the class, “Handling the Hard with Grace”. In fact, I could teach a class on yelling bad things at God while hiding under my covers. I believe God makes us the most tender where he wants to use us the most. This really has little to do with us and everything to do with Him. Ever since he created you, he has been purposefully allowing just the right circumstances to continue the process he began at conception. He has plans for your heart! He has plans to use those desires and hurts and longings in a way that makes him smile. And this is really what I need to hear when I get weary from pain. I need to hear God is purposeful and good. I need to hear that he made me just the way I am to bring him glory, that I am not crazy but that I am made with a mission in mind.
I believe God makes us the most tender where he wants to use us the most.
He does not promise us that what we are called to carry will be easy or feel good all the time. But in my own life, I have never felt more alive than when I am sitting at the feet of the hurting. It gives me life. And when I begin to feel sad about the pain in my own life, the only thing that takes the sting away is to give the gift of comfort to someone else. Somehow, there is freedom in taking my eyes off of my pain and giving out of the very place from which I am hurting.
Where is your passion? Where is that place that you keep coming back to in your heart...that place that gives you life? Maybe it’s the one thing that eases your own pain when you give it away. Maybe it is that ultra tender place that you long to protect from the world, but when you give from that place, it somehow feels right. Whatever it is...wherever you are... whatever your deepest longings and passions and hurts… God wants to use them in a beautiful way that will bring freedom to your heart as well as to the hearts of those around you.